The
Virtual
Realm

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Human Chains

 

 

In the days after they left Turad, no one spoke about what had happened, not openly at least. Eric suspected that Sheila had been able to talk to Diana, but no one else had dared.

 

He didn’t think she knew what had happened; what had actually happened, the chain of events that had ended in Kosar’s death.

 

But each day he woke up worrying that she did. She was never going to believe that he had been trying to help. No apology was ever going to be enough.

 

Really, he had wanted to help her and Kosar; the brash, annoying façade he presented to the world was only there as a form of protection, and he had genuinely wanted to help. It had nothing to do with the fact that since Kosar had fallen into her arms by that stream, Diana hadn’t looked at him twice! It had nothing to do with wanting to look brave and play the hero and save the day.

 

No.

 

He had just wanted to help. Specifically, he had wanted to help her. That was all that had mattered. In those moments after she and Kosar had been spirited away he had been devastated (though he had been sure to hide that fact from the others).

 

And then they had managed to get to the Temple only to find it protected by magic and all those guards. Eric had known she was inside. He’d done the first thing that had entered his mind.

 

He had rushed at the door, intending to break in and save the day, but that wasn’t what had happened at all.

 

The door had been broken as the Demon Queen attacked him, and through that broken, shattered door of to Temple of Light she had seen Kosar step towards the cone of light. And then the Queen had… she had…

 

He felt sick every time he thought about it.

 

If he hadn’t been by the door, the Queen wouldn‘t have fired at him. If the Queen hadn’t fired at him, the door wouldn’t have been hit. If the door hadn’t been hit, it wouldn’t have broken. If the door hadn’t broken, the Queen wouldn’t have seen inside. If the Queen hadn’t seen inside, she wouldn’t have seen Kosar heading towards the Light. If she hadn’t seen Kosar, she wouldn’t have killed him.

 

The logic was inescapable, even for him: It was his fault.

As the days passed, he slept less as the events of Turad preyed on his mind more and more. Even the Acrobat had got more sleep than he had.

 

After another week he was barely sleeping at all. He had hidden it as best he could and had taken to sleeping apart from the others. After all, is the Thief had known something was wrong, she would have been by his side at the drop of a hat, wanting to help, or worse, wanting him to talk about it. Talking about it wasn’t going to help. Burying it as deeply inside as he could was the only thing he could do. He wanted to forget about it, and hope that Diana would never find out. She was certain never to forgive him if she did.

 

But that seemed to be impossible. Diana certainly wasn’t going to forget about Kosar in a hurry. And every time he saw her it just reminded him of what he’d done. The sadness on her face was a constant reminder, and the light had gone out of her eyes. She didn’t want to talk to him, or laugh and joke the way she had before. And every tiny, miniscule, insignificant little difference was like a flashing sign there to echo his mistake.

 

Night after night he woke, sometimes shaking with fear and with a yawning great pit where his stomach used to be. He had felt the odd twinge of guilt before, but nothing ever like this, nothing so all encompassing or unforgiving.

 

Then, very early one morning, after he woke from a nightmare, he opened his eyes and saw the Acrobat crying.

 

Diana was sitting by a tree, looking out over the valley below, the stars twinkling like diamonds in the deep blue sky.

 

He watched her for a moment, waiting to see if she moved, or if she gave any sign that she had noticed him. But she didn’t. She just sat there on a stone, looking up to the alien sky, softly sobbing.

 

He still stayed for a minute more, trying to work up the courage to get out of bed and talk to her. He didn’t know what he would say, or do, but he felt as though he owed it to her to try.

 

But he couldn’t move, however much he tried to force himself to act, he just stayed there lying curled up on an old towel, watching her stare mournfully at the stars.

 

Minutes passed; he saw the diamond stars move and the moons dip below the line of the horizon. He still didn’t move, he couldn’t move? Could he?

 

He screwed his eyes tight shut.

 

The weeks of worry and regret hadn’t weakened the feeling of guilt he carried. He had to do something, for his own sake as well as hers. He owed it to her to be honest, he owed it to her to try.

 

He opened his eyes, his hands shaking as he pushed himself up of the ground.

 

But he froze after a moment.

 

Diana was right beside him.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ he blurted out. ‘I didn’t mean to, I wanted to help, I just… wanted…’

 

There was silence for a moment. Whatever he had expected her to say or do, he hadn’t expected her to nod.

 

‘I know what happened in Turad,’ she said. ‘Sheila told me.’

 

Eric was rigid in shock. She knew? She knew! She knew and she hadn’t said anything? How? Why? Why say something now?

 

‘I had wondered,’ she continued. ‘I thought for a while that all this was just another act to get some sympathy and attract some attention.’

 

The Cavalier opened his mouth to say something clever and pithy in reply, but only a short gasp of air came out.

 

‘I’ve been watching you since we left Turad,’ she added.

 

Again, Eric gawped like an asphyxiating fish. She knew!

 

‘What surprised me the most was the guilt,’ she said conversationally. ‘You’ve never bothered much about that before. I didn’t even think that you knew what guilt was.’

 

Eric’s face flushed as red as it could go, but he couldn’t find the right words with which to counter her statement.

 

‘But actually, Eric, I blamed you,’ she said. ‘And that wasn’t fair.’

 

Not fair? Was that all? He still couldn’t talk. He wanted to, but he had no idea what to say.

 

‘I knew something you didn’t, you see.’

 

She waited for him to respond this time, but he could only shake his head slightly.

 

‘I love Kosar, I always have, and I always will, but… I also knew that were could never be together. Not here, not in the Realm. Whether he stepped into the light, or I did, I knew that one of us had to leave.’

 

She looked at him, her eyes filled with tears.

 

‘And I let you think you were the one to blame. I didn’t want to face the truth. It seemed to be easier that way, to blame someone else. And you were such an easy target.’

 

Somewhere deep inside, he knew he should have felt angry or insulted, but actually all he felt was shame. He was the one who was always such an annoying jerk all the time; he was the one who teased people and failed to do anything right! No wonder she hadn’t said anything!

 

Diana watched him for a moment more. Then she stood up, and turned to look up to the few remaining stars, fading against the rose sunrise.

 

‘It means something that you tried,’ she said. ‘I know you were trying to help.’

 

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered at last. ‘I’m so, so sorry, Diana.’

 

She glanced back down at him. And then the unthinkable happened. Just before she turned away, Diana smiled.

 

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Fanfiction Masterlist

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