= = =
A Reason To Go On
How was he ever going to look Sheila in the face again? He was so ashamed.
They were all sleeping now. The danger had passed and they were safe. But Hank couldn’t sleep, he didn’t dare close his eyes. They were safe, but they would never know the price.
It
wasn’t something he’d planned, how could he? But he should have been
more careful. It was so easy to trust in this world, and it had seldom
gone wrong, and never as wrong as this before.
Running
from the Orcs, they’d taken refuge in an old, abandoned castle. At
least, he’d thought it was abandoned. He should have been more careful,
he should have checked more thoroughly. But they were tried, and
afraid. He should never have let them anywhere hear that castle.
They’d been huddled up in a corner when she appeared.
She
was beautiful, even wrapped in old clothes. It wasn’t a word he used
lightly, but she was the perfect image of loveliness. She radiated
power and knowledge, and he foolishly mistook that for kindness and
compassion. As afternoon turned to evening, turned to night, they’d
relaxed. They had been cared for and she’d provided food and blankets.
As the moons rose, one by one the others had dropped off to sleep until they were the only two left.
She had named herself the Sorceress. Her name made him feel sick.
And
when she had risen, and asked if he wished to follow, Hank hadn’t been
able to stop himself from standing too. Her allure was so
all-encompassing that he couldn’t do anything but obey.
They
walked in silence through the decrepit castle, instead of going up to
the tower as he expected, they’d descended to the lower levels: To her
chambers.
Hank shuddered as he remembered the room.
It
was dusty, and smelled of damp stone. There was nothing beautiful
there, just an old four-poster bed, a few small tables, and a huge
mirror at one side, half covered with a black curtain.
The
Sorceress had seemed different, older, colder and intimidating but he
couldn’t get away. He was frozen in place, his mind screamed at him to
get out of there, but he body couldn’t move. Even when she ordered him
to remove is clothes, he couldn’t disobey.
Though the memory was still refresh, he struggled against remembering.
‘Ranger,’
she had purred. ‘I need you, young Ranger. I need your love.’ Her lips
were close to his neck, and he could smell dust and old wool. He had
cringed as she touched him, but he let her lead him to the bed. ‘So
young, so fresh. So much love and life to feed me.’
He couldn’t say no, he was certain he had tried but the word didn’t make it out of his mouth. Why had he been so weak? Had
he struggled? He wasn’t sure anymore. He’d tasted tears and sweat. He
remembered that. He remembered pain as well, and her cold laughter as
he’d slunk away afterwards.
There
had been a raw edge to the passion. But it wasn’t the feeling of love
he remembered the most. It was the feeling of helplessness. The same
feeling he had right now, in the dark, even though they were as far
away from that hateful place as he could get himself before they all
collapsed from exhaustion.
But
he wasn’t rid of the memory. Everywhere he looked, she was all he could
see. Her image was imprinted onto his eyes and mind. The touch of her
cold fingers burned onto his skin. He would never be rid of her. She’d
taken something that he couldn’t ever replace.
He’d
given her his virginity. It wasn’t the way he’d hoped. He’d always
wanted to share that experience with someone special; the only someone
special he’d ever known… but now he couldn’t even think of her name
without cringing in shame. If she found out she would never forgive
him.
He’d betrayed his friends. He’d betrayed one of them in particular. He’d let his guard down, and she’d taken advantage of it.
He
wanted to crawl out of his skin, or run away from them all and hide.
But he couldn’t. They needed their leader, regardless of everything
else he had to get them home.
Hank closed his eyes, and tears leaked out.
They had to get home. They had to get home.
It was the only reason he had to keep going.